THE man cleared of murdering his wife after he strangled her in his sleep has given his first full-length interview.

Brian Thomas from Neath killed Christine as the two of them slept in their camper van on holiday in Aberporth, Wales, in July, last year.

Last week, Brian, who suffers with the chronic sleep disorder automatism, walked free from Swansea Crown Court after the Crown Prosecution Service decided to drop the case against him.

It followed a report by a psychiatrist that Mr Thomas should not be sent to a psychiatric unit, the likely outcome of the case had it continued.

But Mr Thomas, aged 59, of Parr Avenue, told the Daily Mail there was little consolation in the court's reprieve.

"The thought that this has happened to her because of me is my life sentence," he is reported as saying.

"The memory of being in that camper and looking down at her is with me all the time. I'll never forgive myself, ever. It's like a hatred - a hatred of myself. Why did I do it?"

His daughters Debbie, aged 40, and Claire, aged 35, have stood by their father throughout the investigation.

"When the police told me my mother had been found dead and my father had been arrested because he'd made a call saying: "I think I've killed my wife," I didn't believe it," said Debbie.

"He protected her so much. He did everything for her. He'd paint her toenails, dye her hair, do the shopping. Watching the state he's in has been horrific.

"There's nothing to forgive him for, because we know how close they were. It's never entered my head it was anything but an accidental tragedy.

"I suppose when you read something like this, it just sounds unreal. People must think: "Oh yeah, likely story." But unless you're in the family you don't understand."

Mr Thomas and his 57-year-old wife had moved to a pub car park in their camper van after being disturbed by boy racers in their previous location.

Mr Thomas said he had dreamed he was fighting an intruder who had broken into the campervan, but woke to find his wife's lifeless body beside him.

At the start of his trial the CPS said they were seeking a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity, but this changed after the report from Dr Caroline Jacob, specialist registrar in forensic psychiatry, who said Mr Thomas's sleep disorder was a 'behavioural syndrome' rather than a mental disorder.

"Daddy's sleepwalking used to be a family joke,' said Debbie. "We all used to laugh about it.

"Mummy would say: "Oh your father's been at it again. He's filled the bath up and flooded the place."

"I've done so much research on automatism since this has happened. I wish I'd done the research before. There's no punishment the court could have given my father that's a patch on how he punishes himself."

Before the trial, Brian, who admits he is often suicidal, was sectioned for three weeks and remanded in Swansea Prison for ten months.

Mr Thomas said: "We had separate bedrooms for ten years because of my sleepwalking, but as I used to say to my brother: "We may be in separate beds, but the carpet between the rooms is well worn".

"Each night, we'd have a kiss and cuddle first and then I'd go to my room, and the same in the morning. If she woke first, she'd come to my bed, or if I woke first I'd go to hers. We never got up without being in each other's beds first.

"It was unbelievable walking back in here without Christine. Her nightie, the white one with flowers, was on her pillow.

"I can still smell her scent on it. I'd sit here talking to her, touching the things she's touched, or go upstairs and lie on the bed with her nightie.

"I feel so guilty. I'm trying to come to the conclusion now that this was a tragedy and nothing else, but I've got to live with it. It's my tragedy."

Mr Thomas described how he'd suffered with his chronic sleep disorder since he was a child.

He said he would wake up with his feet cut to pieces and stones in his bed from where he'd sleepwalked outside.

He'd cook himself beans on toast in his sleep, or even swim in a nearby canal.

Christine would lock the house at night and take the keys to bed with her so Brian could not get out of the house.

The disorder, he said, had worsened in the past five years after he was prescribed anti-depressants.

The sleep automatism was, he said, exacerbated during the regular spells when he stopped taking the drugs so he could make love to his wife.

He said: "I used to come off them every two months so we could have a relationship, because when you're on them nothing happens.

"A side-effect of coming off them was hallucinations. Now, when I think about it, I realise that most of my problems came when I was off the the drugs, but I never even thought about it until this."

The retired steel worker had not been taking his anti-depressants for a week when he decided to take an impromptu holiday last year to cheer up his wife who, having fought skin cancer four years before, had discovered a black mark on her breast bone.

"She'd been to see the doctor and was waiting for some test results," he said.

"She was so upset, so I said: "Come on. Let's go and jump in the camper. We're going away for a week"."

They were returning home with their puppy, a King Charles spaniel called Lottie when a traffic diversion took them to Aberporth.

"As we got there the tide was in, the sky and the water were a vivid blue. It was stunning. I said: "We're not going home, we're staying the night"."

He said his wife went to bed and he watched the news until 11.30pm and then got into bed with her.

"The way Chris and I slept was what was described in court as the spooning position. I'd never heard of it before, but I always slept with her back towards me and my right arm under her neck and my left arm over her.

"Anyway, we were lying like that and at about midnight some boy-racers started up outside - six or eight cars with youngsters coming down into the car park doing handbrake turns, coming up to the camper and spinning.

"This went on for about 30 minutes. I said: "I'm going to have to say something," but Chris said: "Don't, you know what they're like these days. They might have a knife or God knows what.".

"The third time they came into the car park, I jumped into the driving seat, pulled the blinds back and drove up to an upper car park to get away from them.

"I went back to bed. Chris had gone to sleep. I was lying there thinking: "Have I put the alarm on that warns against intruders?" I didn't want to test it because it's so loud that it would have woken Chris up.

"As I went to sleep, it must have been on my mind that the camper wasn't secure. Then - I don't know how much later it was - I recall seeing Chris in bed over the other side of the camper and someone on top of her. All I said was: "You b******s, you got in here." I grabbled this man round the neck and pulled him off."

But, there was no intruder. Brian was having a nightmare.

"I don't know how long it was before I woke up. I was just lying there thinking: "Is this one of my dreams again?" Chris was lying in my arms.

"She was cold, so I pulled the double sleeping bag over us, and I was just lying there thinking: "What's happened here? Is someone in here?".

"I managed to slip my arm from under Christine's neck - she was still lying in the same position on her side - and I got out to switch the light on to see where this man was.

"I was really confused. I said: "Chris, come on. We've got to get outside, dear."

"I still believed at that point that there was someone in there. I was shaking her and I turned her over and thought: "What the hell's happened to her?" I was trying to wake her and there was nothing.

"All I could hear was two breaths coming out of her and one of her eyes was slightly open. I thought: "The b******s have got hold of her and she's passed out. I've got to get her to hospital."

"I started driving out of the car park, then thought: "I can't drive this through the night." I reversed back into the car park and thought I'd try to get an air ambulance. I tried to wake Christine again - but there was nothing. Then I phoned 999 and was screaming down the phone. I was hysterical.

"Suddenly, I realised there wasn't anyone else in the camper - there never had been. It was Chris all the time. I'd done that to her.

"When they got me in the police car, it came over the radio that they'd pronounced her dead at the scene. I was just, well...

"I said: "What have I done? What have I done to my wife. She's my world. Leave me out here. I've got to be with her. If she's dead, I've got to die with her."."

Brian was taken to a police cell before being arrested on suspicion of causing the death of his wife.

He said he could not remember much after that - only that he wanted to die.

"They brought me some sandwiches on a china plate. I hid it under the blanket and intended to smash it and slit my throat with it. There was no argument. I didn't want to be alive. I wanted to be with her."

Mrs Thomas's funeral attended by more than 1,000 mourners.

"It was terrible. Daddy was acting as if she was alive in the coffin,' said Debbie.

"He was saying: "Please look after her, be gentle with her." He tried to climb on to her coffin when they lowered it into the ground. He was shouting: "Give her back to me.""

Later, on January 4, the day that should have been Brian and Christine's 40th wedding anniversary Brian took 40 roses, a bottle of champagne and an anniversary card he'd arranged to give Christine on the cruise, and drove to Aberporth. He also took a bottle of pills.

Brian said: "I fully intended not to come back. I tied the roses and card to a fence - I can't remember what the card said, something like: "I love you for ever."

There was a bloke passing by. I asked him if he'd remove them when they died. I didn't want the place to look untidy.

"He said: "It was you in the camper, wasn't it? I am so sorry. We saw you that night walking along the beach. You were such a beautiful couple.".

"I realised I couldn't take my own life because I had our daughters to think about: they'd already lost their mother.

"That's the dream that comes back to me now, walking on that beach with Christine."

"But I just keep thinking: Why? Why did we stay on an extra day? Why didn't we go home that day? Why should I be walking the streets now when she can't?"

Brian has been told he must never stop taking his medication again, and must report to his doctor for regular blood tests. He has also been warned not to share a bed with anyone.

But he said of the tablets: "There's no reason not to take them now."