NATHAN Hines is the bad boy of international rugby — and that's official, or as official as his appearance at the top of the Test game's list of sinners over the past decade can be.

Schalk Burger had more yellow cards (six) during that period, but Hines and Marco Bortolami were each sent off once and carded five times, edging them above the South African.

Hines is at the top because his transgressions stacked up more quickly, in 61 matches against the Bortolami's 76.

There is also a mention on the roll of dishonour for ex-Scarlet Jamie Cudmore, who has seen yellow four times in 19 games for Canada.

Undisciplined

But all bow before Hines in the ranks of the undisciplined.

The Scotland and Leinster enforcer is the man who once said: ''I liked France. It was raw and you get belted every week, but I liked it, yeah.''

Wales are set to face him this weekend, with lock Bradley Davies saying: ''Nathan is a really good physical player who has been away on a Lions tour.

''The only way to play against players like that is to match them and try and put your own stamp on the game and try to be more physical.''

The other way is to test their tolerance levels.

The Evening Post set about thinking of ways to wind up the 6ft 7in, 18st giant who is expected to feature for Scotland.

1. Book him a holiday in San Francisco.

Wind-up factor? Dangerously high — probably wise to catch the next plane out of the country.

Hines's career hit a low in San Francisco when he broke a proud record by becoming the first Scot to be sent off in a Test in 130 years. He felled debut-making US Eagle Dan Anderson with what one observer described as ''a peach of a punch''.

Reminded of it, Hines said: ''At the time, it was just one thing that got out of hand. It's not a habit that I've got, of going and doing that sort of thing. I mean, I really regret it, doing something like that, to a player going for his first cap as well.

''I didn't get to talk to him. He was already off to hospital by the time I went over to speak to him.''

2. Hand him a copy of John Rawls's A Theory of Justice, autographed by former France lock David Couzinet.

Wind-up factor? Extremely high — check life insurance.

Couzinet and Imanol Harinordoquy tussled with Hines during a Top 14 match between Biarritz and Perpignan. Hines, playing for Perpignan, took a ferocious clout to the face which forced him ''to retire to have his nose returned to its normal station'', according to one account.

Couzinet got just 10 minutes in the bin for the assault — ''and he hit me when I wasn't looking,'' said Hines.

3. Ask him about the 2009 Lions tour.

Wind-up factor? Very high — hire a bodyguard.

Hines looked set for a second Test call-up when he earned himself a high-profile suspension for what was seen as a dangerous tackle on Emerging Springbok Wilhelm Steenkamp. To rub salt in, his room-mate Simon Shaw was picked instead and won the man-of-the-match award.

4. Tell Alun Wyn Jones to trip him.

Wind-up factor? High — keep out of punching range.

On reflection, this isn't a good idea.

5. Hand him a video of the 2005 Scotland v Wales match.

Wind-up factor? Moderate — don't hang around in the same room.

Wales ran up 46 points at Murrayfield, the most points Scotland have conceded in a Six Nations game, and Hines had a try disallowed for failing to ground the ball properly.

6. Ask him whether there's another player called Nathan Hines in Scotland's squad.

Wind-up factor? Low — on a good day.

The confusion about whether there are two men with the same name in Scotland's squad has arisen after Mike Blair announced that Hines could be a calming influence on the younger players in the squad.

Hines has since been made responsible for looking after Scotland's new caps and the singing on the team bus. No-one has yet declined to warble.

mark.orders@swwmedia.co.uk