With this £25,000 I thee wed . . . Why church leaders in Swansea say some couples might be in danger of getting carried away. LAURA DAVIES reports.

THIS week friends of mine will be jetting off to a Caribbean Island to witnesses school pals exchange their wedding vows on the back-drop of crystal blue waters and white sandy beaches.

With the holiday costing £3,000 between them, it means they'll have to scrimp and save for much of this year to pay for it .

"But how could we possibly tell them we weren't going?" says my friend.

"It was just accepted that we could pay for it all."

And when a relative got married five years ago in a fantastic manor house over-looking a picturesque lake and manicured gardens, there was no expense spared. She must have spent in excess of £25,000. With a designer dress, designer made his and hers wedding bands, champagne costing at least £50 a bottle per table, wooden wedding favours engraved for each guest, white doves let off at the ceremony followed by a five minute fire-display this was going over the top, even on my own standards.

The truth is maybe that modern weddings have lost their way.

The fact that the average wedding now costs well over £20,000 is ridiculous and wrong — especially when the majority of people have to go into debt to pay for it.

These days, it is almost as if the happy couple are not just getting married — they are also directing some over-the-top Hollywood epic in which they have cast themselves in the starring roles.

Sarah Clement, 24, and Jim Page, 25, are determined not to get caught in the wedding day fanfare.

When they exchange their vows at St Mary's Church, Swansea, in August, they say they will be marrying for the concept of marriage not the material aspect.

Waitress Sarah says: "When we got engaged we set the date straight away. We knew if we continued to save it would take a while to get married and we didn't want that. We thought whatever money we saved we would spend that rather than take out a loan and get into debt.

"We have friends who have gone all out on their wedding and that is all they have talked about since their engagement.

"I would love a horse and carriage to take me to the church but I know in reality we can not afford it. We are getting married because we want to be husband and wife nothing else really matters."

The couple, of Mount Pleasant, will have their reception in the West Cross Inn with a buffet rather than a three course meal with around 50 guests and friends will take photographs for them. Sarah's five bridesmaids dresses are £30 from Dorothy Perkins while Jim and his best man will wear suits they already own.

They will use friends' transport instead of a wedding car and will make their own cake and invites.

"Weddings are so expensive," Sarah says.

"My mum bought my wedding dress so that is the biggest expense but it will be a simple affair and will cost no more than £5,000.

"I don't think having a cost-cutting wedding will make our day any less special."

Jim says: "We could either have saved forever and had a glamorous wedding or get married now. Too often the vows are overlooked by everything else that is going on."

The couple have asked for cash donations in lieu of presents and they will use the money to pay for a honeymoon.

To mark National Marriage Week, the Mother's Union has just staged an exhibition to promote lifelong marriage at the city's Waterfront Museum.

Father Tim Williams, vicar of Killay says the exhibition focussed on different aspects of marriage, including: "What the church has to offer to help keep the cost down; how the church building has a role to play in your wedding; the help that can be given before the marriage begins and opportunities to talk about wedding plans.

"Weddings can be done on a budget whether it is outside the church or not," he adds.

"The church is aware that weddings are expensive and it is easy to get carried away when planning one. But things like wedding cakes, a receptions, buying a dress can be done without spending too much money. And getting family and friends to help can, from my experience, help to reduce costs."

Of course, it is absolutely right that the bride and groom ought to feel "special." After all, this is the day when they look into each other's eyes and promise to love and care for each other for the rest of their lives, "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health."

The appeal of "my special day" has now become an excuse to demand the best of everything — from flowers to clothes to hairdressers to napkin-rings.

For, in becoming great celebrations of the ego, they are a threat to the very thing they are supposed to be all about.

Kay Warrington, the president of the Mothers' Union in the Diocese of Swansea and Brecon adds: "We are particularly concerned with promoting marriage as a lifelong partnership.Couples may become so focused on the detail of their fairytale wedding day that they may miss the significance of the marriage vows or promises made to each other during the wedding service.

"The wedding is just one day but marriage is a lifetime.

"It's not all about making the wedding bigger and better than those of others, it's about what you want. Today everyone is looking for perfection when life is not like that. A wedding is for a day a marriage is for life.

"Couples can become so obsessed with their wedding day they can often miss out on the true importance of their day.

"The message is you don't need to spend lavishly to have a memorable wedding."